Black Sheep- White Cow – Swimming Against the Status Quo

The English language describes a black sheep as an odd disreputable member or group, especially within a family. Typically this is a negative implication. In other languages the term white cow is the same definition.
From a psychology point of view it defines a group or members of one’s own family who behave in a way such as to jeopardize the groups/family image – an unlikeable member – an embarrassment if you will.

In 1988 Elizabeth Stone stated in her book Black Sheep/Kissing Cousins -''The inclusion of the black sheep testifies to the family's dominant value, which is family unity.'' And she goes on to say ''the black sheep needs to be there for the holidays to remind the rest of the family of how wonderful they are.  'Otherwise, one of the white sheep might look quizzically at someone else and say, 'Hey, you look a little gray.' "

When I look back over my life’s journey I can pretty well tell you I was the black sheep within all my groups – family – school – socially – professionally and as much as I hate to admit it my faith base family.  There are times I think I actually broke the mold of the Southern Bread Southern Belle!

Today, I am somewhat of a black sheep/white cow in many circles. I do not conform to just the “Status Quo” folks but seem to take my individual stand.  Many times my individual stand can rub against the favor of many.

For whatever the reason my childhood, teenage and early adulthood did not go well.  My parents did not know what to do with me or for me, nor did my teachers – there is no doubt for whatever reason I seem to make really poor choices.  The results were not great and many to this day I sadly regret.

The flip side to all of this, it has open doors for me to counsel many young person and women who need to know that they are truly people of worth and value.

In a recent blog I referred to The Help book/movie.  There are several scenes that I truly could relate to as far as rejection, not being a part of and even shunned.

Several years ago, I was in the midst of re-establishing myself.  Finances were at an all time low.  I can remember calling some of my “sisters and brothers” of the Faith.  No one wanted or chose to help.  I can remember asking a couple of my close “sisters” to assist me with toilet paper/paper towels and other essentials. Not only was it degrading emotionally to ask for help, it was even more hurtful to never receive the first piece of paper towel or one role of toilet paper. Within that same time frame in the midst of sharing my “need” two all so humble brothers, promoting helping hands, just flat out told me “NO” there was no help for me. You could hear the contempt in the voice.   Truly these are the moments I knew I was the “Black Sheep/White Cow” of my Faith Base Family!  Why – because I had taken my stand on many issues over the years and many a time not graciously. Remember – People remember the negatives far more than the positives in your life.

Another interesting scenario that comes to mind – Being at the wrong place at the wrong time can also tag you as a Black Sheep/White Cow.  As a young adult I went to stay with some Faith Base Family.  Their “unsaved” son and I went riding around – late at night – noting but hanging out.  It caused a “Big Problems” – the worst was thought – years and years passed and I remember sharing with his mom and another dear friend, wanting to clear the air.  They rejected very clearly what I shared.  They “wanted” to believe what they believed”. A poor but innocent choice as a young adult was never forgiven or believed.  

The stories and scenarios are more numerous than I care to remember.
 
So just why have i chosen  to write this particular blog - what is my purpose?  Because i want to state That it is Not a BAD Thing to Be a Black Sheep/White Cow!  And it is not not to dog those that make one feel like the Black Sheep/White Cow.  For most Black Sheep/White Cows are wonderful - creative people that have rich real life experiences that should be embraced.  We are certainly not Vanilla Folk!!

So for what it is worth - Here are some of my main  lessons learned:

First and the most important lesson is to forgive and move on and to embellish myself with love and forgiveness. I do not try and conform or pour myself into a mold that is not made for me.

Secondly, I have learned to take my poor choices as a platform in order to teach others.  Taking one’s stand as an individual is a hard and sometimes lonely place to be, but if you know you have truth – then stand but don’t push it down the throats of those that have their fingers pointing at you.

Thirdly, I have learned I don’t have to beg those to believe my change – my stand or my conviction. I believe that I do have to make good choices and react to any one with respect for myself.  This one has probably been the hardest lesson and I am not sure even today I do it as well as I should.

As I shared with a dear precious lady whom I respect and love so much – Being a Black Sheep/White Cow is not necessarily a bad thing.  I do believe I am the President of “The Black Sheep/White Cow Club”.

For within my being are the war wounds from the past and some I will have from the present.  They keep me humble – they keep me real and they keep me the individual Sassy Southern Belle I am..